Sunday Nov 27th 2016
The day started off bad. I woke up exhausted, then went into some meditation. This used to be a beautiful and sometimes even enlightening experience but now all that happens is I sit there and my mind wanders while I half heartedly return to my breath sometimes. I did have an interesting experience yesterday where it made me think about the idea of Wu Wei or trying not to try. Which means exactly what it sounds like and is a Chinese idea on the optimal way to live. I tried it for a day, was super relaxed but didn't get much done in any area. I spent most of my time stuck in limbo trying not to resist or persist anything. Spiritually and emotionally my life is in a rut. This happens when I get work and goal orientated. I make my main focus success or lack thereof and try to push my emotions to the side.
Sexually you know you're in a rut when you try to do a position other than missionary and your wife's response is total confusion and then excitement. Two minutes later i was on my way to a coffee shop in Boston to do some writing. It's a 15min drive so I plug in grant Cardones sell or be sold. He explains how almost everything u do, or to be successful at anything on a high level requires the ability to sell. Winning an argument is selling your side of the argument. Getting a new friend or bf/gf is selling yourself. They require the same skills it takes to sell a car. Writing he'd say requires the ability to sell too (if you're still reading this you've been sold).
When I get there and write about some random stuff, I've been especially interested in social anxiety. I did a life coaching session with a friend and it made me realize how difficult it is for a lot of people myself included. I wanted to help him but making new friends is something I'm pretty bad at. All I could do was point out some logical errors he was making.
Him: I don't approach people because I'm worried about not knowing what to say
Me: Well you can either pause and think when that happens or ask a question back. You learn and get better from experience
Him: I hate small talk
Me: All conversations with new people have to start with small talk. It's your responsibility to guide the conversation deeper with good questions and showing interest in the other person. Read this book, the title is terrible (how to win friends and influence people) but it will show you so many techniques for how to interact with people. It’s my top 5 fav books ever.
Him: I feel like most people aren't going to be interesting.
Me: "In my walks I have seen that every man is in some way my superior, in that I learn from him. - Emerson It's your job to also guide the conversation to the persons interests, to what they like talking or thinking about the most. "He who asks the most questions dominates the conversation.” - I heard this quote in this great Elliot Hulse vid.
Him: I'm worried that I'll be bothering people if I try to talk to them.
Me: Learn to get a feel for who's open to conversation and when you initiate learn to feel out when they're busy and don't want to talk. They'll usually make it obvious. Worst case scenario you slightly bother people for less than a minute.
It was just excuse after excuse and I realized every time that I had the same excuse. That I've known all of them are weak at best. At the same time though my emotion usually trumps logic. Fear is a strong motivator to not do anything. Even though most of the times I had conversations with randoms it went great I still worried about it. I still rarely do it.
I wonder how to solve this problem. If there is a way to create a place where people are encouraged and feel comfortable going up to one another and having good conversations. Or where people feel comfortable doing activities with strangers.
I have some ideas but nothing worth writing about yet. I come back home and get ready to grind at 130. I forego taking a shower because fuck that and just hop into some poker. I quickly lose interest and the ability to concentrate though. Unless I’m studying the game is boring. If you don't study you don't have new plays to try, you feel less confident and you just do the same things over and over. It's repetitive. You can get away with this when the game (this goes for any activity) is new to you but not the you’ve been playing for 14 years.
I tried to avoid distractions by using my website blocker but I just used sites that weren't blocked. I went to vice.com and watched a doc called Bloodlust: Tournament of Death. It requires no description, the title says it all. After that I add this site to my blocker and then just move to YouTube where I watch Keenan Cornelius roll Jiu Jitsu and destroy everyone with complete ease and calmness. I block that site then go on twoplustwo. Eventually I start doing well in a tournament and so I became motivated to try. I get all shocked and angry when I eventually end up losing, like I deserved to win giving the least effort possible for the 1st 5 hours.
After losing heaps of $ I spend some time with my kids. I sword fight with my oldest daughter and create a handicap to make it interesting. If she gets 1 hit anywhere she wins whereas I have to get 5 on her head ( and obviously I have to do it without hurting her). I'm always creating these handicaps to make it actually challenging otherwise I'd just get bored and not play with them as often or with as much interest/enthusiasm. I try to show her different ways to strike and like most kids (and a lot of people) she hates being shown what to do. I keep trying to show her to no avail. I see this happen a lot in life and as a teacher I should know better. Why am I trying the same strategy over and over when it clearly isn’t working.
Instead when she finally mixed up an attack I praised her for it and then she kept trying to do it the rest of the match. I don't know who won we didn't keep score. You can be competitive without score keeping. We then read a book, I don't try to make her sound out difficult words, I just tell them what they're immediately. My main objective is to play the long game and make reading fun. If she becomes a lifelong lover of books all these problems will go away but if I make it too difficult and boring I decrease the chances of that happening. So instead I try to teach her how to read the story with emotion and use the right tone for the story. Before I did this she only read one page and then it was my turn. When I 1st showed her this method we both started laughing, I praised her and she read 5-6 pages in a row.
I then played a reading app with my youngest daughter who doesn't like being helped either and I just sat by and watched her play it. She's way more feminine and just likes to have me around. I cleaned up to please my wife while listening to an audiobook ( I never clean without one) and then went to play Dominion at my buddies house. My wife protested even though I was going to only be gone for 1.5 hours but I learned when and when not to listen to these things. I came home for the best part of my day, I sat in my bed and joked around with my wife, just being silly. She's the only person I get to really do that with besides my kids. We just talked and laughed about silly things and wanted to unwind. We watched some TV but talked and joked in between too. While watching chefs table we had this conversation.
Her: You should become a chef I think you'd be really good.
Me: I don't think so because I just get focused and obsessed with cooking one thing and don't mix it up.
Her: oh just like missionary position.
I guess I walked into that one. A little while later she told me she didn't like stand up so I had to prove her wrong and put on Jim Jeffries bare. I ended up winning that argument. She made me a sandwich before bed and despite all my fuck ups throughout the day I went to sleep feeling like I won.
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