Random Rants: On Fear
Disclaimer: All Random Rants have minimal editing and a general disregard for flow
II had the number already dialed all I had to do was hit one button. I guess that makes it easier and simpler. I Just need to press one button. Rather than grab the phone, find the number, then press call. Having just one action between you and your fear makes it just a little simpler. If it was an email or a text I would’ve typed it all out and stared at the send button.
I’ve been stressing about it for days at this point, all the while saying to myself “Postponing it is only adding more pain”. I knew what I was doing was irrational, which made me feel worse about myself. How can you still behave in a way that you know is irrational andbad for you. For me, when it comes between a difficult action and doing nothing I usually go with the latter. Why is fear so strong?
I like to portray myself to myself as a strong willed, smart, logical person. The way I was acting was shattering that image. No matter how much I broke it down logically, I couldn’t bring myself to make the call.
I had this subconscious idea that I could only take action when the fear subsided. I think that’s a silly thing to wait for. Of course there are methods to make fear dissipate (none of which involve using your mind). Battling your mind with your mind is a hard game to win. Perhaps impossible. It’s such a paradoxical fight.
If you clicked the link above it’s a video on battling your fears with your body and your breathe. I wonder if it works. I think Elliot hulse is the GOAT but I’ve never battled fear with his techniques. I’ve used his techniques to battle other emotions very effectively. I need to try it out I suppose. How else can you battle your mind? What are the options? With most emotions you can learn to patiently wait for it to pass but when your emotion is based on an action you aren’t taking the more time that passes the worse it gets.
Perhaps externals need to be used. I mean what other option is there after you tried your internals (mind and body). What are possible externals: Music, Someone else's mind (books, coaches, friends etc.), Someone else's body (Sex, fighting, hugging), perhaps food/drugs/fresh air can play a role.
This method of staring at the phone worked 3 times in a row (I got no answer all 3 times) but it took between 10-40mins each time. I’m just left with questions, I think fear needs to be battled on a case by case basis, there is no one strategy. You need to understand the variables at play and use the specific resources at hand. The variables aren’t always the same, and the resources aren’t either.
What are the possible variables? The strength of the fear and the type of person you are. This is so vague though and doesn’t offer help. Perhaps we just collect a bunch of different methods and try them all one by one until you find one that works. I think that’s a good strategy and it gets stronger as you have more methods at your disposal. The best strategy probably comes from a comprehensive understanding that’s so deep that you have a pretty good idea what type of method to try. I mean you can rule out the majority of other types of methods 1st. Instead of picking at random.
I guess most of us (including me) aren’t even at the former level so discussing the latter more difficult level is a bit of a waste. Perhaps there are different types of fear: Fear of physical pain and emotional pain. I guess these can be the two main ones. There isn’t a sub group for physical I don’t think. Physical pain is always just pain it only varies in degrees of pain. I guess there are all types of emotional pain which I don’t feel like listing. Perhaps each different emotional pain corresponds to a different type of solution. There exists a continuum of fear between rational and irrational as well. I guess it depends if you know whether or not your fear is rational or irrational. Irrational fears probably have drastically different solutions than rational ones.
My daughter is afraid of going into the pool, I always try to talk her into it and it never works. I think this specific situation cant be solved with words. I think this lends itself to solutions that involve the body. Perhaps I should try breathing exercises, specific stretches etc. with her. I think the solution would be drastically different if she was 20 years older. She’d probably need therapy. I think everyone reading intuitively gets that. Why though? I guess it’s obvious the problem is a deep seated and rooted one. For a kid it’s normal to behave so irrationally for an adult it send off big warning signs.
These things end abruptly when I get stuck. I might add more thoughts to this or make a part 2.